Torn
by Zeus on the Loose
Summary: A silent tear ran out of the corner of her eye and landed on the bedspread. She had never imagined that it would come to this- choosing between her childhood sweetheart and her first real love. If had been easier when she was mad at Severus. But now, now she was torn. {Drabble} Gamma Orionis' OTP Boot Camp Challenge


First of all, you should all check out the forum "Everything Snily." It's a place for anyone who likes Snape/Lily pairings. forum/Everything-Snily/138874/

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Torn (Gamma Orionis' OTP Challenge)

"Oh. My. God. Lily!" Mary looked at her best friend as if Lily had just told her that she had murdered Mary's family. "Tell me that isn't true. Tell me you're not crazy enough to do that."

"Does it seem like I'm teasing right now, Mare?" Lily replied, lifting her head briefly from her hands to look her friend in the eye. She was slumped on her garishly crimson and gold bed in Gryffindor Tower. Mary stood in front of her, and was going into panic mode.

"Okay. Okay. We can fix this. We can fix this." If there was one thing to be said about Mary, it was that she didn't give up when the going got tough. She was brave, a true Gryffindor. Much braver than how Lily felt now. She looked up hopefully as her dark haired friend paced. "Okay. We can fix this," Mary repeated herself. "Okay. All you have to do is tell Snape that it was a mistake to snog him, it will never happen again, and if he tells a soul, you'll kill him. Or maybe threaten something you could actually do, so it's more real. Make him a laughingstock. Or- oh!- or you could… What's that, Lily?" Lily made a small whimpering noise. "Just talk to me, okay? I'm trying to help you here."

"What if I don't want to fix it?" Lily said in a tiny voice, her red locks hiding her face. Somehow telling Mary about how she had cheated on James made it seem more real, and much worse. She sniffled miserably.

"Sorry, what?!" Mary gave Lily a look that made the redhead feel as if her friend thought she was psychotic.

Lily drew in a deep, shaky breath and then repeated, "What if I don't want to fix it?"

"That's what I thought you said. But Lily… Are you mad? You can't do nothing. If you don't act now, rumors will start about you and Snape, and then James will leave you," said Mary. When Lily gave no reply, she added, "You don't want that to happen, do you?"

"No," Lily squeaked.

"So what's the problem?" Mary asked, her tapping foot betraying her impatience.

"I just… I don't want to hurt Severus' feelings," said Lily weakly.

"You don't want to hurt- Merlin! Lily, he's a death eater! Do death eaters even have feelings? Besides, do you want to hurt James' feelings? Because that's what's going to happen," Mary said.

"I don't want to hurt anyone."

"You can't have both of them," Mary snapped. Lily sniffled and Mary's eyes softened. She walked over to the vulnerable looking girl and began to rub slow circles on her back. "Look, Lily, I'm sorry," Mary said quietly. Then she forced herself to add, "As your best friend, I will support you no matter what you decide. But you will have to decide."

"Thanks, Mare," Lily said. "You can go now. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Mary asked and Lily nodded. "Okay then. I'll see you at dinner." She closed the dormitory door gently behind her.

Lily lay on her bed, hugging her knees to her chest. A silent tear ran out of the corner of her eye and landed on the bedspread. She had never imagined that it would come to this- choosing between her childhood sweetheart and her first real love. If had been easier when she was mad at Severus. But now, now she was torn. She didn't know what had possessed her to kiss Sev, but when she had, she knew she didn't want to stop. Feeling his body pressed against hers had sent a strange electricity through her, and she felt warm and happy. Now she was numb and miserable. Lily still loved James. She lit up every time he walked into a room. He had picked her out of all of the girls to be his, and everyone agreed that they were great together, the perfect couple. Severus, on the other hand, was unpopular and awkward, and it was a well-known rumor that he had delved into the dark arts. But he was sincere and had so much raw emotion. There wasn't a doubt in Lily's mind as to whether he still cared for her. Her mother had always told her to follow her heart, but right now the compass inside of Lily was spinning and couldn't seem to find north. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to imagine her life with each of the boys, without the other. It was near impossible. She didn't know how she would be able to simply give up one of them. She had irreplaceable memories with each. Lily lay on her bed alone for a long time, just thinking. When she finally rose, she was no closer to deciding between Severus and James than she had been, but had had accepted that there was no other way and she had to decide.

Two days later when she passed Severus in the hallway, she caught him by the sleeve of his robes and pulled him through a door, looking surreptitiously after them to be sure no one had seen it.

"Lily! What do you think you're doing?" the greasy-haired Slytherin hissed.

"We have to talk." Lily took a deep breath, praying that she had made the correct decision. "James and I broke up."

"Merlin, Lily!" Hearing her words, Snape could have sworn he was having a heart attack. He was overjoyed, but suddenly realized the implications for his friend and became concerned. "Was it because of what happened last week?" Severus asked, referring to their kiss, the worry showing clearly on his thin face in the dim light. Lily allowed herself a small sigh of happiness, confident in her decision. Snape misinterpreted her sigh and went on hastily. "Merlin, Lily! I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. If only I'd restrained myself. I wasn't thinking." Severus had been dreaming that Lily and James would break up for months, but he had never imagined the sickening sensation that would accompany it. He couldn't bear to think that Lily had been hurt.

"No, Sev," Lily said softly and placed a gentle hand on his bony shoulder. A twinkle danced in her beautiful green eyes. "I broke up with James. I chose you."

Rendered speechless, all that Snape could manage to say was, "Oh." Lily let out a giggle and stood on her tiptoes. Softly, so softly that later, when Severus was recounting the tale to their grandchildren, he couldn't remember whether he had imagined it; she kissed him on the tip of his long, crooked nose.

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This was written for Gamma Orionis' OTP Challenge, using the prompt "torn."

If you liked it, please review. If you didn't like it… review anyways! :o)


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